Grief is such a weird, uncomfortable topic to talk about. And I’m already struggling with it, but mostly because I have so much to say, and don’t know how to say it simply or to not go off on a tangent.
In my experience, I’ve found that Grief is avoided. Not just in conversation, but in general. in life. No one wants to deal with grief. We want to punch it in the face or hide it in the closet. We don’t want to show other people that we are sad because we are afraid they might not like us anymore or they might run away screaming if they knew what we were reallllly feeling.
Grief feels like a cloud that is always hovering over your head, sometimes it’s raining or hailing but sometimes little cracks of lights get through the clouds. That is where the hope lies.
Anyone who has dealt with intense grief knows first hand that you can easily be consumed with your grief. You just don’t understand why it happened, how it happened, you wonder where GOd was, you miss whatever you want so intensely that you can’t imagine living your life without them or it and your so sick of people telling you "things will get better" and "time will heal all" you really just want to go away, you want to disappear. Numb Out.
Grief does not just mean death though. People can grieve over anything, trust me anything. You can grieve over your new shoes getting ruined, you can grieve over losing your job, you can grieve the loss of your childhood innocence, you can grieve moving. you can really grieve anything. I’m not suggesting you do this, but I just want to say that grief does not just mean when someone dies. Grief is a loss of any sort, no matter how small.
Grief is something we all have in common because no matter what, at some point in your life you have to deal with it, whether you want to or not.
My advice is to just let it happen. Don’t try to avoid your grief, just let yourself be sad, let yourself cry, let yourself be truly vunerable.
Now I don’t think you should stay in your grief forever or dwell in your grief (not that I haven’t done those things), but let it flow through organically. There is absolutely no right or wrong way to grieve. And again, no two people grieve alike.
Stop hiding your grief, let your wounds show, , let them breathe. It’s like if you have a cut, you put a bandaid on it, but you also apply neosporian and you let it get fresh air sometimes because it needs it. You grief needs to be expressed. and more often than not, by sharing your story, you will invite someone else to share theirs and instead of feeling so fucking alone as one usually does in grief. you will feel connect and say “wow I’m not the only one in the world who has ever lost something or something dear to them”
Trust me, it’s happened in my life many times.